Sometimes

I awoke in a dark place;
if you don’t know it for yourself,
well, you’ve at least heard of it.

 

It’s permeated with sinking disappointment,
brought on by generations of addiction and abuse.

 

When you live here,
even the best day,
can turn into your worst.

 

Sometimes it begins all sunshiny, euphoric,
then you do something wrong,
and you’re left with bruises from Daddy’s belt;
even more unsettling is when it plays out the exact opposite.

 

At first you fight it;
you even fight for the things that don’t matter,
because you hate to see him win.

 

Soon you grow weary,
cringing every time he comes home from work.

 

Then, you try to make him love you,
try to make him care,
for more than everything going his way (perfect).

 

When that doesn’t work,
well, you just give up.
Sometimes Daddies can’t be Daddies;
sometimes, they shouldn’t be in your life.

 

© 2010 Dana Renee’ Billingsley


I’m estranged from my father, both by my own choosing and by his; he hasn’t truly been a part of my life since I was in my early teens. I’ve made peace with everything; I’ve forgiven him, and I love him. I guess this is my attempt to explain to those who don’t understand how someone can decide not to have a relationship with their father. It’s not an easy decision and goes so much deeper than this explains, but for me, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself.

 

Related Music – Listen: Playing with Fire by Brandon Flowers

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~ by Dana Renee' on February 27, 2011.

2 Responses to “Sometimes”

  1. Hi Dana,

    There doesn’t seem to ba a guidebook about being a parent, or if there is it sure wasn’t a best seller.. I’ was raised in foster care myself so I can really identify with your poem.. I had friends who had Fathers that were cruel and others who had Fathers that spoiled them rotten, what made the difference? it wasn’t the child but the parent.. yet so often children blame themselves if their parents don’t love them..

    just a beautiful poem, and a wonderful blog.. I have a wordpress blog as well (are they not wonderful) which I share with my friend from ThePoetSanctuary (Dr.Fogg) and we use the blog to post “articles” about little known news stories (with our own personal touch). Dr. Fogg is English and I am American so we cover our respective countries as well as we can.

    enjoyed your poem. and your blog. tc,

    ~ Daniel

    • Hi Daniel!

      I remember you and Dr. Fog from TPS of course! Appreciate the both of you & your writing so much there! I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through, but there is always good that can be brought from these experiences I think!

      Could you give me the link to your blog – I’d love to check it out! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your insight!

      – Dana

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