I ache every time I hear myself say it in my head
and out loud,
the pit of my stomach free-falling in a mix of
consuming pain and love.
I wish there were a stronger word,
that could take this pain from us
and our memory,
more-so to know that you hear me
and have your response.
I know what it would be – because we forgave so much,
but I still long for the reassurance of your embrace;
it is an impossibility made possible
by your absence from this world.
So here my apologies will remain,
trapped in my heart and floating around
in the energy that I give off,
never to be said face to face in this life,
but I will try to find my solace – in what lies beyond.
© 2011 Dana Renee’ Billingsley